Stay Focused or Take a Break? The Tug of War with Rest
What I’ve found to be true after more than five years of running my business, coaching clients, and keynote speaking is this: the more I expand, the more I require grounding.
The bigger and bolder my dreams become the more necessary it is for me to rest, decompress, and reconnect to my inner truth. This phenomenon is so counter cultural to our corporate, patriarchy ways of always showing up, working hard, producing, and earning.
I’ve had to detox from old work habits that haven’t served me and unlearn the ways of the corporate matrix. There is a different way to reach success that requires more BEING and less DOING!
People often ask me if it’s more stressful not having a “steady paycheck” because I run my own business? I can’t say it’s more stressful, but I do know it’s a different kind of pressure/stress in my body. It’s a motivating pressure vs. a despair pressure. It’s more exciting and I feel more in control of my career than the feeling I used to have in corporate which was rooted in “not enough-ness”.
I’ve aligned to working in a way that serves my body, my health, my family, and my dreams. I’ve weaved a new way of working that works for me and it’s fruitful, enjoyable, and challenging all at the same time.
Whereas my life and work before could be summed up like this: running on a treadmill, constantly checking over my shoulder expecting something to go wrong, all while feeling like I was exhausted and getting nowhere.
Can you relate?
Don’t get me wrong, I still experience fear, take action, and work hard. But my fear is short lived, the action is inspired, and my hard is purposeful (not frantic). This new way of working is passion driven instead of “proving myself” driven.
Through my healing and self-development, I’ve learned and integrated an important lesson in this game called life. We are all just energy at the end of the day. We’re playing an energy game! Underneath the surface of everything we desire is a vibration – and that vibration we emanate (with thoughts, beliefs, and emotions) either matches with our desire or holds us from receiving it.
It’s up to us to manage our energy, our emotions, our thoughts and beliefs so we can harness our power from a place of worthiness and co-create our ideal life. Anything you desire is possible – if you’re beliefs believe it to be so.
What I’ve witnessed in my client’s transformations is the more we move through our fear, the more we create a capacity to give love to ourselves unconditionally. The more we own our worth and love ourselves unconditionally, the more we can give of ourselves without feeling less than, burned out, or proving our value.
This process of identifying and moving through the fears and stuck beliefs that holds us back is energetic work, first and foremost. And it is work.
Which is why our need to replenish ourselves is necessary, not something that makes us weak, needy, or dependent. We truly require rest in order to grow. Hello winter! We forget that nature keeps on cycling without any effort and each season is equally important – including the rest or “freeze” of winter.
Are you in a tug of war with rest, cajoling yourself to keep going and not be so lazy? If so, I invite you to create a new relationship with rest.
So, what does rest look like? Rest can be alone time, meditation, bodywork, emotional healing, and/or being in nature. Rest can be lying on the couch or ground for 15 minutes with our eyes closed. Rest is taking up space without doing anything. We need to give ourselves the time and space to integrate our actions and bold moves through fear, emotion, and leveling up by pausing on a regular basis.
Recently, I attended a beautiful weekend long healing retreat at Omega Institute and participated in my first ever Qi Gong class. Qi Gong, roughly speaking, is an ancient Chinese wellness tradition focused on creating/increasing energy and decreasing stress.
My teacher led our Qi Gong class in the early morning on the wet grass just steps from the sandy beach of a tranquil lake. My eyes feasted on the beautiful landscape of forest, water, and peace. Fish jumped out of the water and made single splashes. As I slowly and deliberately moved my body, I watched the mist rise out of the water and into the sky as the night was waving goodbye.
At some point during our practice my teacher said this: “we rest not because we are tired, but because we are alive.”
Wait, what?! How profound. And yet, I felt such sadness. Why do so many of us feel we have to earn rest?! Why do we justify taking time for ourselves only after working hard(er)?
If left unchecked your programming, limiting beliefs, society, and fear will keep you running ragged 24/7. I know it sometimes feels easier to resist stopping and keep going. We’ve been programmed to ignore the need for pause, a break, or a nap because it makes us feel like we’re in control. We keep going to avoid feeling. We focus on productivity in hopes that we can work away what’s brewing under the surface.
However, the trick to this energy game I mentioned earlier is this: surrender. When you want to feel more in control, surrender to what is. And girl, oh girl, do we have a hard time surrendering, right?! We tend to confuse surrender with giving up control. Is that your biggest fear? Not being in control? I know you’ve worked so hard to get to where you are, but you can’t control away your pain, loss, grief, frustration, or anger about having to manage it all, all the time.
I’ve come to realize that being able to surrender to what is means to allow, receive, and work with – not against – our dreams, goals, and visions.
The best part about making space for rest means you can then make space to take intentional action towards your ideal life and career! Here’s a helpful tool I’d love for you to try and let me know how it works for you. Tomorrow morning when you wake up, grab your notebook and respond to these questions:
#1 What’s the one thing/priority you’d like to accomplish today?
#2 How do you want to feel throughout the day?
#3 What do you need to ask for to accomplish both #1 and #2 today?
Taking a break takes practice! We have to unlearn our over-productive ways and replace them with habits that serve us well. Once we begin to see the positive results of rest and intentionality in our life, we’re more apt to make it a priority. Change is possible once you give yourself permission.
If you have big goals in your life to grow your career, earn beautifully for your contribution and make an impact in our world then I promise you this: rest is the way forward and the key to the clarity, abundance, and resilience you seek. If you’d like support, community, and coaching to help you realign your life, energy, and career, I invite you to join us in the Worthy Women’s Collective and we’ll give you a roadmap to make this next year your most fulfilling year yet.
Xo,
Ashley
